Time, Time, Time

Featured Image – The Hours, flickr photo by damn_unique.  Direct Link

Time, Time, Time

August 4, 2016 9:25am

*singing* See what’s become of meeee….

Depending on your age, you might either be hearing Simon and Garfunkel or The Bangles playing in your head.  For me, it’s The Bangles.  I always hear this song when I’m in a somewhat melancholy mood over my lack of time.  In one sense I mean the lack of daily time to get things done and alternatively, the overall feeling that time is running out.  I don’t mean that in a dramatic way although I’m sure that came across with theatrical flair (I am an actress after all.)  I just have so many things that I want to accomplish and every once in awhile I get disappointed when I think of how many years I wasted NOT pursuing my artistic dreams.  I don’t lament on it often but when I do, I really do.

What’s causing me to feel this way right now?  Well, I think it’s twofold.

1 – Arts Alive is coming up and I am truly unprepared.  It’s the 4th of August already which means I only have 16 days to get my two new paintings done.  That is tough at the best of times but when I am so busy with other projects, it is even harder.

2 – I keep thinking about the following that I lost by dropping my art earlier on in my career.  I used to sell my paintings on eBay and it had taken me a decent amount of time to build my buyers up.  I’ve lost that traction and starting again at my age sometimes feels daunting.

I think that most of you can easily understand the first reason for feeling a bit overwhelmed but maybe the second one probably comes across a bit whiny.  Yeah, it is.  We all know that there is no use in focussing on the past.  Coulda, shoulda, woulda doesn’t move us forward.  I learned a long time ago to use cognitive behavioural strategies to use my brain more effectively.  For example, which question will better help me devise a plan to move forward from this point:

Why did I waste all these years not pursuing my art?

or

What can I do today to help me rebuild my art career quickly?

Solving problems to move me forward is obviously more productive than dwelling on past mistakes but every once in awhile, I don my jogging-suit-with-mismatched-slouchy-socks combo, buy unhealthy amounts of junk food and head out to my pity party.  I’m human after all.

I’m sharing this today because I think that by doing so, I might help other people.  First and foremost, I want to encourage those reading who have dreams, artistic or otherwise, to really hang on to them.  The whole I’ll-get-to-that-later approach really doesn’t work.  Time is finite.  There are a million inspiration quotes online about fighting the good fight and hanging onto your dreams.  Print some of the ones that really speak to you and keep them around you for when it feels impossible to continue with your passion.  I’ve done this, lately and it really does help.  I also do a few other things to get me through these times and I want all of my supporters to rest assured that my pity parties don’t last very long.  The logical and practical parts of my brain tag team the emotional part and Vulcan-grip her into submission.  When she regains consciousness, she sees that her counterparts have devised a way of solving the dilemma.  With the plan in place,  she feels less overwhelmed and dare I say, she even gets excited.  It’s at this point that she uses the sunnier side of herself to help motivate them all, becoming a cheerleader as opposed to a heckler.

The biggest problem I am currently having is one of cash flow.  If I need more income, I work more background acting hours and that eats into my time for creating.  Ideally, I would earn enough money from my art that I wouldn’t have to do the background work.  I would only go out for principal acting roles, which truly are a part of the big picture dream.  Well, that’s the ideal scenario.  Life isn’t always perfect though so I’m going to MacGyver the shit out of this thing.  Stay tuned…

August 4, 2016