Strange Day Brew – Excitement, Fear and Sadness

January 30, 2016 8:15am

I think it is very fitting that my first journal entry has a somewhat bizarre title. I think it is setting a perfect precedent for the overall emotional ups and downs that will be prevalent in Creative ODDyssey. I’m a bundle of conflicting emotions today. I’m very excited about adding the journal piece to my website.  It’s something that I’ve always wanted to do but never  made time for.  Now that I am a full-time artist, there is time and it is time so… pretty exciting.

At the same time, I feel a bit intimidated by having to write the first post.  Just with all things new, there is always fear of the unknown.  Will I be disciplined enough to keep it up?  Is this a stupid idea?  Will anyone even read this?  If they do read it, how will it be received?  There is something inherently scary about sharing one’s feelings.  I just remind myself of the reason that I wanted to start this journal in the first place and then tell Bob to shut up.  (Bob is the name of my inner critic.  Hopefully he won’t join us that often because he’s a real downer.)

Today is a strange day.  There is something very overwhelming going on in my personal life but I chose to sit down and get some work done.  I’d like to pretend that it’s because of my phenomenal work ethic but honestly it’s because I need to do something to get my mind off of it.  This devastating circumstance has had me in tears off and on for the past two days and it’s casting a very dark shadow across my mind.  I couldn’t sleep so I got up quite early and came to my computer to work on  Working on websites takes a huge amount of focus, especially during the building/development stage, so I knew that it would give me something other than the ickiness to focus on. It probably wasn’t the best idea to write a journal entry if I wanted to keep my mind off of my feelings but here I am regardless.

The website is taking forever.  Usually  when I work on websites, it’s in a team and things go much faster.  I know that I shouldn’t complain because not all artists have the ability to build their own sites.  It’s just a really difficult and time consuming thing to plan, design and build a website on your own.  Creating  every single graphic and writing every bit of content is starting to wear on me, regardless of the fact that I’m beyond excited to see it done.  When you add to that the fact that I am also the artist that needs to complete all of the creative works to feature on the site,   I think that’s where the real rub is.  I want to be working on the creative stuff and the website time is really biting into that. I set up a schedule that limits my time for working on the website to 1 hour per day but I haven’t kept to the schedule once yet. It really bothers me to leave something unfinished and I have a bit of an obsessive personality when it comes to projects so it was inevitable that I would micro focus on the site. I’ve been spending anywhere from 4 to 8 hours a day on it, which is making it hard for me to get anything else done. I’m going to make a bigger effort to limit my website time going forward and trust the in the process. The website does not have to be completed by a certain date. It’s going to be a life long project so I need to learn to allot a managemable amount of time to it per day if I’m going to balance my days and complete other tasks and projects. Speaking of which…

January 30, 2016

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