Coming Home to Myself

Coming Home to Myself

January 30, 2016 8:15am

I`m on a movie set right now.  Yep, you read that right.  I`m on a movie set.  It`s so strange that I am doing something that I have always wanted to do while trying to do something that I want to do.  Okay, I know I need to explain that because it almost doesn`t even make sense to me.

My current goal is to be a self-sustaining creative.  Painting is my number one focus but I will definitely include other creative streams in my life. The biggest motivation for this is my need to explore creativity in all its forms but the other motivation for this divergent exploration is money.  I know, much less inspirational but the reality is that I need to pay bills.  To this end, I decided to sign myself up to be a movie extra.  It was a bit of an “out there” decision but it actually made sense for me  I have always been a performer and with returning to my art, I needed a way to earn money that wouldn`t weigh on me.  Corporate jobs take a toll on my artist soul, not to mention my time.  It has always been the rub that when I`m working 9-5 office jobs and have sufficient income, that I don`t have time or energy for art.  The reality is that I need time, and quite a bit of it actually, to create.  I also need to NOT be completely mentally drained or spiritually strained.  Background acting just made sense.  Oddly, acting was the first dream for my life when I was young.  Granted that background acting is not the same as principal acting but there are some really cool elements that cross over. I am actually really enjoying the work.

It`s cool because as an extra I have tons of sitting time where I can write.  I keep a pen and notepad with me at all times so that I can sketch out my next art piece or write for my website.  So yeah, I`m on set right now.  I was moved to write a journal entry because I was just hit by an overwhelming sense of peace that made me feel (for the first time in forever) that I am truly on the right path with my lif

I`ll explain.

Right now, I am sitting in what is referred to as a background holding room.  It`s where they keep the extras on a movie set when we are not actively working on a scene.  I just had my makeup done and was sitting here thinking about how crazy the choice to do background acting was.  Just as with most decisions that bring about change, I was having a moment of self-doubt.  A few months ago, I was employed as a Marketing and Events Coordinator and today I`m sitting in a room listening to the sounds of the movie that is being made just outside the door.  What am I doing?!  Just as these doubts crept into my mind, I looked outside the window that I was sitting next to. I was taken aback for a minute.  I had forgotten that the hotel I’m in was right next to a building where I had a job a few years back.  Another office job that kept me from my true passion.  I always feel guilty when I admit those things because I feel like people will misunderstand and think that i didn’t appreciate positions that I held or the people that i worked with. It’s sometimes hard to explain that there is an innate unhappiness that comes with being driven to create but unable to do so.  The longing doesn’t go away, even though the logical part of your brain knows that you are working and helping to support your family.  Anyway, I digress.  Sitting her, looking at that office, I remember how much I longed for the opportunity to do art and nothing else.  I’m doing that.  I might have to go outside my comfort zone to make it work but I’m on the right path.  Today a movie set and tomorrow my paint brush. Pretty cool huh?

I couldn’t be happier.

February 22, 2016

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